The best PFO letter ever!

So the job hunt continues. As visions of chucking it all and going back to my first love, independent film making, dance in my head, so do other things. Things like the children, the wife and the mortgage. Little things like that. Some would starve, one would hunt me down and rip off my testicles with pre-sharpened nails, and the last one...well, I guess it just would be unpaid.

So anyway the delightful attempts at getting a full time, long term permanent job continues. But not without its crushing defeats.

Well, actually, as crushing defeats go, this letter I received today was what they called in the olden days, a corker:

Thank you for your diligence and hard work in preparing for the position of Communications Specialist with ________ Theatre and the project brief you presented.

I regret to inform you that the interview committee, by consensus, was unable to recommend you to be hired into the position according to the city's interview rating guide. Nonetheless, all of us enjoyed our meeting and commend you for the care in which you engaged in this process, and the time you devoted to it.

We wish you well in your endeavors and encourage you to continue to seek opportunities with the city as they are posted.

Blah, blah, blah, sincerely, blow me, etc...

A few thoughts:

1.
What the fuck is a "City interview rating guide"? If I had simply read the interview rating guide and gone in there and lied my ass off so that everything in there perfectly applied to me (ie: I am not a disabled person, but hell, how hard could it be to "borrow" a wheelchair for a few hours from the near-by children's hospital?) would I have then gotten the job?

2.
In this interview rating guide: Right after the interview, did the three people in the room hold up signs with a number on it, a la the Olympics, which they then added up to reach a magical number which I was unable to reach? Say that number was 14, and I only reached 10.5. Would I have received higher points if I had gone in their disguised as a female visible minority? (Don't worry, if found out, I would have said it was a theatre, so I was being theatrical and also attempting to prove a point about the awful way minorities are treated in our society or whatever...something like that...) Anyhow, would that, then, have gotten me an extra 3.5, thus allowing me to sneak in under the wire? They ask these questions on every municipal job website when you apply, so it must have a point value in the "Interview rating guide" somewhere, I imagine.

3.
I did present a project brief. If I had gone in there with nothing in my hands to present them, as was requested in the job description, and simply presented myself as a black woman in a obviously much too small wheelchair (for extra pity- can't even afford a decent sized wheel chair, and what not), would I currently be working in the glamorous world of theatre? Hell man, I probably wouldn't even need to know how to speak English! (1.5 pts.)

4. By consensus? How BAD must I have been that they all instantly said "Well fuck that guy!", TOGETHER at the SAME TIME? I wish there was some way I could see what degree of badness I had reached, but alas, it must remain confidential.

5. I'm SO glad they all enjoyed themselves SO fucking incredibly much. Should I have another opportunity to interview with them, as they rousingly encourage me to, perhaps I will prepare a PRE- humiliation for myself. You know, just to make it more ENJOYABLE for them, I could go in there wearing nothing but a My Little Pony cod piece (I bet they make them. You know it. I know it.) and then do a little interpretive dance I'd call "My Special Lovely Job Interview Day Dance (Yay! Yay! Yay!)".

and lastly...

6. When was the last time someone wished you luck on your endeavors EXCEPT in a job interview situation? No one ever says. "Hey, have good endeavors today!" When does that happen? I'll tell you. Never. That's motherfucking when. It simply does not happen. Ever. Try it tomorrow on your spouse or partner as they head out the door in the morning. See the WTF??? very confused look that spreads across their face.

Anyway, welcome to my blog. I hope you enjoy reading it, though I am well aware that having done so, you would probably never hire me to work for you either...